Amateur Hal Hartley
THOMAS: How was your date?
ISABELLE: I think there’s something wrong with me.
(THOMAS closes the magazine and throws it down on the floor)
THOMAS: How long has it been since you left the convent, Isabelle?
ISABELLE: Ten months.
THOMAS: How long were you a Nun?
ISABELLE: Fifteen years.
THOMAS: That’s a long time.
ISABELLE: When I make mistakes, they tend to be big ones.
THOMAS: Were you always religious?
ISABELLE: No (She lights a cigarette and comes into the bathroom)
When I was a girl I wasted a lot of time writing bad poetry about being lonely and too fat.
THOMAS: You were fat, huh?
ISABELLE: Not so fat. But I was ugly (Pauses...) Well anyway, it was around that time that the Virgin Mary began appearing to me.
THOMAS: (Uncertain) Pardon Me?
ISABELLE: It’s true. She appeared to me three times in one year.
THOMAS: (washing his chest) And what did she say?
ISABELLE: She said I shouldn't become a nun.
THOMAS: Why?
ISABELLE: Because I am a nymphomaniac.
THOMAS: What?
ISABELLE: It’s true.
THOMAS: You don’t look like one.
ISABELLE: Like a nymphomaniac?
THOMAS: Yeah.
ISABELLE: How would you know?
(She’s got a point and THOMAS considers it as ISABELLE sits)
But I lied. I told the priest God wanted me to join the order and become a nun.
THOMAS: After all that?
ISABELLE: Well I was scared.
THOMAS: Of what?
ISABELLE: I was scared of what I knew God had planned for me.
THOMAS: God had planned something for you, huh?
ISABELLE: Yes. I didn’t know what yet. The Virgin didn’t tell me that. But she did say it’s going to be difficult. It’s going to hurt. And I need to be out in the world to do it. Not in a convent. I was seventeen. I was scared. So I lied. I lied for fifteen years. I lied until I couldn’t bear it any longer.
THOMAS: (Impressed) Shit.
ISABELLE: (Thoughtful for a moment) Will you make love to me?
THOMAS: When?
ISABELLE: When you finish your bath.
THOMAS: Why me?
ISABELLE: Why not you?
THOMAS: Well, you don’t know me. You don’t even know my name.
ISABELLE: You don’t know your name either.
THOMAS: Have you ever had sex?
ISABELLE: No.
THOMAS: How can you be a nymphomaniac and never had sex?
ISABELLE: (Smokes...considers this) I’m choosy.
© Hal Hartley AMATEUR 1994
THOMAS: How was your date?
ISABELLE: I think there’s something wrong with me.
(THOMAS closes the magazine and throws it down on the floor)
THOMAS: How long has it been since you left the convent, Isabelle?
ISABELLE: Ten months.
THOMAS: How long were you a Nun?
ISABELLE: Fifteen years.
THOMAS: That’s a long time.
ISABELLE: When I make mistakes, they tend to be big ones.
THOMAS: Were you always religious?
ISABELLE: No (She lights a cigarette and comes into the bathroom)
When I was a girl I wasted a lot of time writing bad poetry about being lonely and too fat.
THOMAS: You were fat, huh?
ISABELLE: Not so fat. But I was ugly (Pauses...) Well anyway, it was around that time that the Virgin Mary began appearing to me.
THOMAS: (Uncertain) Pardon Me?
ISABELLE: It’s true. She appeared to me three times in one year.
THOMAS: (washing his chest) And what did she say?
ISABELLE: She said I shouldn't become a nun.
THOMAS: Why?
ISABELLE: Because I am a nymphomaniac.
THOMAS: What?
ISABELLE: It’s true.
THOMAS: You don’t look like one.
ISABELLE: Like a nymphomaniac?
THOMAS: Yeah.
ISABELLE: How would you know?
(She’s got a point and THOMAS considers it as ISABELLE sits)
But I lied. I told the priest God wanted me to join the order and become a nun.
THOMAS: After all that?
ISABELLE: Well I was scared.
THOMAS: Of what?
ISABELLE: I was scared of what I knew God had planned for me.
THOMAS: God had planned something for you, huh?
ISABELLE: Yes. I didn’t know what yet. The Virgin didn’t tell me that. But she did say it’s going to be difficult. It’s going to hurt. And I need to be out in the world to do it. Not in a convent. I was seventeen. I was scared. So I lied. I lied for fifteen years. I lied until I couldn’t bear it any longer.
THOMAS: (Impressed) Shit.
ISABELLE: (Thoughtful for a moment) Will you make love to me?
THOMAS: When?
ISABELLE: When you finish your bath.
THOMAS: Why me?
ISABELLE: Why not you?
THOMAS: Well, you don’t know me. You don’t even know my name.
ISABELLE: You don’t know your name either.
THOMAS: Have you ever had sex?
ISABELLE: No.
THOMAS: How can you be a nymphomaniac and never had sex?
ISABELLE: (Smokes...considers this) I’m choosy.
© Hal Hartley AMATEUR 1994
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